Cops and Robbers
by Senko Ryu
Summary: Various oneshots featuring our lovely Carmelita and charming Sly. Enjoy!
1. Stealing Sickness

Sly sat on top of the lamppost patiently waiting. He had been here for a while now. An hour, twelve minutes, and twenty-three point six seconds to be exact. The police seemed to be a little slow on the uptake this rainy Saturday night. Usually Carmelita was almost quite literally on his tail after a theft. Speaking of a certain Interpol officer…

"Come down here thief before I shoot you down!" Her face was red and her breath unusually ragged. With a small clang her gun fell to the ground. Carmelita hunched forward coughing harshly. Sly decided to oblige the fox for once, and dropped down beside her.

After a moment she managed to control herself. Carmelita picked her gun up and pointed it at him. As always, he completely ignored this.

"You seem tired Detective Fox, and a little flushed. You didn't run around after me last night and not get proper sleep did you?" He chided. Sly didn't wait for an answer. "Shame on you! Now you're sick."

"No I'm not!" She argued. Carmelita straightened her profile the best she could. It still wasn't that impressive.

"No need to lie to me Carmelita," He winked. "I won't tell anyone else your ill. Wouldn't want to ruin your image of being an indestructible Interpol thief chasing chick." The red on her face could not be blamed on the fever this time.

"Ooh you just be quiet criminal! I'll get you even if I'm a little under the weather." Sly seemed a little amused by this comment.

"Speaking of weather…" As if on cue the heavens opened and down came the rain. She glared at him like it was his fault. He shrugged helplessly. She sneezed.

"Maybe you should go home now. Get some rest too…" He suggested.

"Well maybe you should come with me? I have a nice space just for you behind bars." Carmelita shot back in her special sweet way.

"Sounds cozy." Sly commented dryly. Absently, he flipped his hat in the air and caught it. Carmelita noticed in the time he had it off that he too suffered from hat hair. A sudden thought seemed to come to the raccoon.

"Hey why don't you ever drive a car?"

Carmelita blinked. That was a little random, even for him. So she shot at him. And unfortunately, to her point of view, missed. Damn.

Now because of her transactions she had to look up to him from the lamppost. The rain was getting into her eyes. Joy.

"Tsk tsk Ms. Fox. You shouldn't try to shoot someone that's going to do you a favor." He wagged his finger at her. She blinked again. Why couldn't she come up with any witty responses? Must be the fever.

"What favor?"

"This." He jumped down and gave her a kiss. Before she could yell at him he disappeared. Hesitantly Carmelita touched her lips. Then her forehead. It wasn't hot…


	2. The Lesser Evil

Sly sulked on the corner of the roof over his poor burnt tail. It was then that he decided one thing. That shock pistol was going down.

_The next night _

Quietly he snuck into the apartment and into Carmelita's room. (He's snuck in so many times he knows the apartments layout. Kinda sad really…) Sly reached as carefully as he could under her pillow. He could feel the sweat coming down his brow.

"You're going down Sly!" Carmelita screamed out. She shot at the wall several times before laying peacefully back in bed. Sly laughed nervously. She shot at him in her sleep.

A lot more carefully than before he stole the shock pistol and ran away. He barely remembered to lock the door before he left. Wouldn't want any criminals coming and stealing her stuff.

_The next next night '_

"I'M GOING TO GET YOU RINGTAIL!" Carmelita yelled. She was furious. "YOU HAD BETTER GIVE BACK MY SHOCK PISTOL!"

"Why do you think I did it?" He asked innocently.

"Because you left your trademark card in its place." She told him dryly. Sly winced. He hadn't even realized that he had done that.

"Oops."

"Yeah, oops." Carmelita reached into her pocket and brought out a gun three times the size of the shock pistol. Sly felt his eyes get bigger. She aimed it at him and before he knew it he had a red blast the size of a bush coming at him. So he stood there and ended up looking like he was caught in the middle of an explosion.

Carmelita walked up to him with her hips moving coyly back and forth. She held her hand out. Sly reached into his pack and gave her the gun.

"I guess it's the lesser evil of the two." He said. She smirked and walked away.

"So you're not going to arrest me?" He yelled to her.

"I'm off hours raccoon." She waved at him without turning around. Sly stood there staring until she was out of sight. Talk about foxy.


	3. Travelocity

Sly slinked in silently. The apartment room was dark except for the little light emitted by the television. On the couch lay the sleeping Carmelita. The idea was crazy but maybe, just maybe this would get him the job.

Ever so carefully he set a smallish garden gnome on the coffee table in front of the couch. So far so good. Sly backed up to the front of the TV and took out his camera. With a small flash he took a picture of Carmelita and the gnome. But in doing this he awoke a cranky Interpol officer.

"What the-? What are you doing here Cooper?" She asked as she shot at him with her shock pistol. Where does she put that huge thing!

"Where do you put that huge thing?" He exclaimed in slight exasperation.

"Under my pillow ringtail. It sits there waiting for you." She taunted.

"Aww how sweet." Sly cooed. "Do you wait for me too?"

"What are you doing at my home criminal?"

"Just trying to get a job. It's legit too. Aren't you proud of me?"

"No." Carmelita shot again and almost hit him.

"Sorry but I got places to go and people to see." Sly jumped on the windowsill.

"Don't you mean things to steal?"

"If you insist." He jumped into the night. Carmelita stood watching through the window. Then she turned back to her living room. On the coffee table was a gnome.

"Huh?" She stared at it. Then she noticed an identical little gnome on the TV.

_"Travelocity is coming to save the daayy!"_ Exclaimed the garden gnome with a red cape around it.

"What in the world?" Carmelita was very confused.

Epilogue

Sly looked at the picture of the sleeping Carmelita and the gnome. It turned out quite well if he did say so himself. In fact, he did.

"This turned out quite well." Maybe if he showed the people at Travelocity the picture they would let him join…

A/N- 0.o ...I plead permanent insanity...


	4. A Few Embarrassments

"Carmelita how much funding do you need to catch Sly Cooper?" The chief asked. The more important people of Interpol were sitting in this small meeting room.

"All I need really is for traveling expenses to be covered." She told him.

"Okay." The chief nodded. "When you need more feel free to ask."

"Yeah I want that guy caught. Especially after what happened at my niece's birthday party." One of the chiefs from a visiting sector complained. The lady across from him raised a brow.

"What exactly happened?" The lady's curiosity was apparent.

"Well," He started embarrassed. "My niece wanted a clown at her party and the one that was originally hired ended up sick. So my niece begged my to be the clown…sometime later I noticed that the red shoes I had been wearing were gone. And then standing right next to the door was Sly Cooper. He waved the shoes at me." His face turned red, as he got more embarrassed. "My niece yelled goodbye to him and he winked at her. She still hasn't stopped talking about him." The man buried his face in his hands.

"Well that ain't nothin' towards what happened to me!" Another man exclaimed. "I was at this high class ball that was bein' held by the head of Interpol." He started. The others around the table leaned in closer. "I was the center of attention in a group of beautiful women. Then all of a sudden, one of them starts a gigglin'. I thought it was because of the joke I had told. But then a few moments later more of them starts laughing. One of the women then saids to me 'Sir, I do believe that you hair has gone missing.' Then a window caught my eye. On it was that abominable raccoon waving my hairpiece at me. The woman next to me fainted while the others burst into laughter." The man was indignant as the others snickered.

"If you think that's bad, then you have got to hear this." A lady started. Everyone eagerly turned to her. "I was having a dinner party with my wealthy lady friends and their husbands. We were going to have this brilliant imported chicken from Europe. I hired one of the best chiefs in the world to fix them up just right. Well, right when we removed the lids of our plates my trained pet chickens came out. They were squawking like crazy and nipping at our heels. They continued to chase all of us until we ended up in a tree by the chicken coop. I noticed that our dinner laid in the chickens' nests." She sniffed at the loss of the food. "On the roof of the chicken coop was that raccoon. In a bag that hung from his shoulder was the entire party's jewelry!" She wailed.

"Oh that wasn't so bad." The first man complained.

"Yes it was." Another disagreed. "She has every right to be embarrassed. Come on, they were chased into a tree by rabid chickens. They were being complete ninnies!" The lady blushed and sunk into her chair.

There was a tap on the window. All heads turned. Sly Cooper waved at them grinning. In his hand was a topaz that everyone knew Camerlita carried around. There was a silence.

"Get him!" Everyone yelled as Sly bounded away. Carmelita was right behind him with her gun.


End file.
